Chapter 24 - Thank You, Mom

You were my mom, you were my dad
The only thing I only had was you, it's true
And even when the times got hard
you were there to let us know that we'd get through
you taught me how to understand the things people do
And I thank you, I'll always thank you
More than you would know, more than I could show

ALTHEA RYZ FAJARDO

It has been a month.

Everything is still fresh on my mind. His face, his smile, even his scent. I couldn't forget him.

But I left him. It was for the best. I shouldn't stay with him. It would ruin his career. I love him too much that I'd rather remain as his fan, as one of all the girls loving him from the crowd. It's better if I am just one of those who patiently wait for his group's comeback, spazz when his teaser photo is revealed, wait til midnight for the release of their album, spends money to buy albums overseas and die while watching their perfs.

I continued my training residency. I'm starting my second year of residency in the Department of Surgery. It's back to painful reality. I tried so hard to work like everything never happened. Pretend that I'm alright, that I don't miss him badly.

In a week, Super Junior would have their comeback with 7jib and teaser photos without Leeteuk and Yesung who are having their military service. Leeteuk remains at the dorm because like Heechul, he is only rendering public service. Yesung, like Kangin, is staying at the military camp. Heechul has already comeback from his military service. The 7jib concept is constellation, wherein their main color is silver. Donghae's teaser photo would be released tomorrow midnight KST or 11PM in Singapore.

I had to wake up early for my 7AM shift in the hospital. I just prepared toast and egg for breakfast because I was not feeling well. I wondered why. I took a quick shower and put on blue silky blouse and black pants. I check my bag if I forgot anything. When everything was set, I started having breakfast with milk. 

As I was eating, I felt really uncomfortable. I feel a little dizzy but I believe this is just the result of lack of sleep since I came back wherein I had to do some papers and readings regarding my patients. I had to read several disease entities that could be the possible diagnoses of my patients so I had only four to five hours of sleep every night. 

I left the house after an hour of preparation and rushed to the subway. It was still early so there were few people. I felt glad because I usually feel dizzy with so many people around me. 

I arrived at Singapore General Hospital 15 minutes before the time. After I logged in, I went directly to the doctor's quarters and got changed. I went to the Surgical ward to assess the patient who was scheduled to have a craniectomy for his meningioma. After my preoperative assessment, the patient was brought to the operating room and was prepared for the surgery. When the head neurosurgeon arrived, I scrubbed in.  The surgery started at 8:30 in the morning and it was such a long surgery. I was not really feeling well but I had to remain standing and assist in the surgery for me to learn and not disappoint my head surgeon. I was glad that he was not really stressing me out as he taught me what he believes I need to learn. The surgery ended at four in the afternoon. I still had to do postoperative monitoring to the patient.

I felt dizzy already due to hypoglycemia. My stomach was already making a loud noise because of intense hunger. I rushed to the cafeteria and had my lunch. I was already having a migraine attack triggered by hunger and stress. I went to the doctors' quarters and rested. I turned on my laptop and checked my facebook and twitter.

I saw a news posted on twitter on Super Junior's comeback performance schedule at Music Core, Music Bank and Inkigayo this weekend. I became too excited to watch their live performances especially Donghae's dance moves which could always knock me off my feet. I read my emails and sent my replies. I also read about my case because I would have to discuss it with the head surgeon.

I went back to the Recovery Room and checked on the patient. I ordered that he should be extubated and transferred back to the ward. When the patient was back at the ward, I met with the head surgeon and discussed with him the case. 

"Doctor Fajardo, are you alright? You look pale," he asked, interrupting me at my explanation of the case.

"I'm fine. Just having a little migraine attack but I'm really fine."

"No, you don't look fine. You better rest. Let's continue this tomorrow."

"Thank you doctor."

I left and went back to the quarters. I lay on the bed and closed my eyes. 

Maybe I'm just having a premenstrual syndrome, I thought.

I usually have severe migraine attack before my period. I checked my calendar when I would have my next period. My menstrual cycle is regular so I can easily predict my next period. When I browsed my schedule, I was shocked.

I am two weeks delayed!

Oh my God. No, this is not true. I've never been delayed in my menses for more than three days. This is not good!

I remembered that I was too sensitive to various smells these past few days and I was always dizzy. Pregnancy has never came to my mind before but now, I started to become scared.

I rushed to the pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test kit. I went to the restroom and tested my urine. I closed my eyes before seeing the result.

I saw two red lines...

I'm pregnant. 

I decided to go home early after knowing the result. When I arrived home, I called my mother who is in the Philippines.

"Mom," I said.

"Althea! I thought you'd never call! You didn't call after your cruise. I worried about you!"

I got teary-eyed when I heard her voice. I missed my family so much. My parents are divorced and my younger siblings are in my mother's care. My dad lives in the US and has another family there but he continues to send money to support my mom and my siblings. He also sends me money during emergencies. I've always hated my parents for breaking up yet I couldn't just let them get out of my life because they're my family. 

"I'm sorry mom."

"Hey, are you alright? Are you crying?" She knows me too well.

"I have something to tell you."

"What is it?"

"I'm pregnant."

"What?! Who's the father?! How did this happen?!"

"Mom, calm down. You're panicking more than I am. I just tested positive in the pregnancy test. I'm two weeks delayed. I will try to have ultrasound tomorrow just to be sure."

"Tell me who's the father!"

"It doesn't matter mom."

"He left you?! Let me--"

"Mom, stop it. I'm alright."

"I am flying there tomorrow."

"What about my siblings?"

"They're old enough. They can take care of themselves. I would not let you stay there alone especially that you are pregnant. You are my only daughter and I can't leave you like that."

Upon hearing those words, tears started falling heavily. I needed someone right now. I needed my mom.

"Thanks mom."

"We need to tell your dad about this."

"No! I should confirm this first. I'll tell him."

"Fine. So you're keeping this child?"

"Of course. I am scared but to be honest, I am happy to have this."

"Okay, then everything will be alright. I will take care of you. Wait for me."

"Thank you mom."

Then we hung up the phone. I felt relieved to have talked to my mother. I am too scared right now but with her, I know I can do this.

I am keeping this child. Lee Donghae's child...